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I'm staring out into the night,
And trying to hide the pain.
I'm going to the place where love
and feeling good don't ever cost a thing,
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.
I'm going home to the place where I belong,
where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm running from you know I think you got me all wrong,
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old,
So I'm going home.

-Chris Daughtry

10:50 PM
Wow, it's been long.

and and and I can't believe school's gonna start tomorrow, I'm still trying to remember that I have to go to school in the morning. But the holidays were getting boring, so I guess it's a good thing that we get to get back into some sort of a regime. Besides, any regime that doesn't consist of spending money and gorging yourself on food sounds delightful right now.

Anyway, league has started and personally, it's been very disappointing. Being thrusted into this new role feels very foreign, and it's a helluva bitter pill to swallow. Honest to God, I wish I could be more magnamonious about it, but I can't. I can't pretend that I'm thrilled to be given an opportunity to play for the last 10-15 minutes of every game in a position that I dislike immensely 'cos I'm not. I know everyone of us has to earn our place in the starting 11 but boy is it depressing to realise that you're never gonna get a fair chance. You might say that I should keep my head down and do what's best for the team, but I've been thinking of the team ever since I realised that I could play like ronaldo and still have my ass glued to the bench.

Gosh, and anyone who thinks that I should fall on my knees to thank him for giving me an opportunity to play can go and suck balls - I ain't that desperate and I'm not talking about who you think I'm talking about, seriously.

I'm not afraid to admit that I'm awfully bitter but I do realise that there're some things that I'm gonna have to work very hard on and honestly, I don't mind sitting on the bench if people are playing well. Then I'll have nothing to say, you know? But hell if he's gonna pretend otherwise when someone's having an off day then some of us are just gonna have to sit there and suck thumb I guess.

I like the team fair enough, but I dislike him immensely. It ain't so bad if he would make more of an effort to listen to us but he's like mount Everest once he makes a decision, you can't move him and he's so fucking hard headed he makes me look like a pussycat in comparision.

I'm not trying to create politics or whatever mann, just got to get it off my chest. I guess if anyone has a problem with what I've just said you can come and look for me. Don't go around shooting your mouth off when you don't even know the whole story.

For all I know, I may be dead wrong and I could actually really be the lousiest player on the whole team but if that's the case, then I guess you can tell me and I'll think about it and maybe I'll even apologise.

But I think that's gonna be one cold day in hell.