I'm going home.

HOME
I'm staring out into the night,
And trying to hide the pain.
I'm going to the place where love
and feeling good don't ever cost a thing,
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.
I'm going home to the place where I belong,
where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm running from you know I think you got me all wrong,
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old,
So I'm going home.

-Chris Daughtry

Saturday, March 08, 2008

5:21 PM

I need to keep my head down and just concentrate on getting by, one day at a time.

I've been spending the last week in a funk, for no good reason other than a weird and depressing feeling I can't articulate. Nothing feels right now, and I haven't exactly been doing myself a favour by being such an anti-social bastard. I mean, I hate to pretend that I'm having a good time when I'm not, but at the same time, sitting by myself in a corner isn't the best thing to do when your mind's running a mile a minute, jumping from one disconnected thought to another.

It isn't anyone's fault really, I just can't shake off this "I'm depressed as hell and all I really want to do is to crawl back into bed and stay there forever" feeling, which makes it really hard to face the rest of the world. Especially since there's so much to do, and so little time. I suppose sociologists were right when they said alienation from self and meaningful work was a cause of misery because I'm miserable as hell.

Maybe I need to exercise more - people say that exercising regularly produce endrophins and make you happy. But I don't have the time and besides, I've been told to layoff from training for a month so that's obviously not going to work.

I think I'm getting too old for me, but I obviously can't stand to live in my head. It's not about anything or anyone in particular, I think I just need to get away and find a way to get focused again. You know, find some passion for living 'cos obviously there's an awful long way to go.

This funk isn't really chicken soup for the soul.