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I'm staring out into the night,
And trying to hide the pain.
I'm going to the place where love
and feeling good don't ever cost a thing,
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.
I'm going home to the place where I belong,
where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm running from you know I think you got me all wrong,
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old,
So I'm going home.

-Chris Daughtry

12:07 AM
This is just my cross to bear.

It's 12.07am in the morning, and it couldn't be more painfully obvious that any form of motivation/need for penance that has been driving me for the past 2 weeks of exams is long gone. There's only one more paper to go, but being this close to the holidays is really excruciating. You all know how it goes, the forbidden fruit syndrome.

But anyway, I've been thinking. For a little while, I stopped thinking about love and being single. I guess in the midst of matters life and death it's hard to focus on something as insignificant as love. Insignificant, only in comparison to the former of course. But somehow, after all that has happening in the past year, being single just doesn't bother me as much. It's not that I don't care about finding love, but I would very much rather have my family see me through the highlights of my life - at least for now. I think that we take for granted that our parents, our family will be there forever, holding our hands and guiding us through life, all of it from our first days at school thru puppy love and heartbreaks to marriage and family, sickness and death. And we miss the little signs of old age - the wrinkles on their faces, the lapses in memory until something happens.

And then it may all be too late.
I don't know.

I don't like all the responsibility of being the eldest kid in the family - it's a bitch when you're 19 and feeling a hundred and two. But I'll gladly do this, for now and for the rest of my life, if things would go back the way they were.

Bummer.

Most of you'll won't be able to make heads or tails of whatever's been said. Well, don't try too hard.