I'm going home.

HOME
I'm staring out into the night,
And trying to hide the pain.
I'm going to the place where love
and feeling good don't ever cost a thing,
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.
I'm going home to the place where I belong,
where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm running from you know I think you got me all wrong,
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old,
So I'm going home.

-Chris Daughtry

Sunday, July 08, 2007

8:16 PM

And it's really fucked up to feel this way - like your world coming apart at the seams.

People whom I used to be close to now practically feel like strangers, no matter whether they're instructors from CHA, jc or secondary school friends. Everyone, especially me, has been so damn caught up in their lives that even the occasional phonecall becomes a 5 minute conversation with a whole lot of awkward silences and a newfound solemnity. And soon we stop trying, believing that our fragile friendships can do without all the negativity. Perhaps it's true, but it doesn't make me feel any better.

And work has been so tiring, it's amazing I'm still going on week aft week aft week. There's still a measure of satisfaction from my work, of course, but somehow all the problems that's been arising is really discouraging. Whereas once upon a time I had many many good friends working with me, I now often find myself in camps where I hardly know anyone. It's not a bad thing, but it's often very depressing when you've encountered a setback and there's no one around for you to talk to. Camps are such an isolated world and your responsibilities to your campers means that we have to constantly be happy, or at least suck it up and pretend to be happy, no matter how we really feel. And it drains you, just sucks the energy right out of you. Perhaps it's time that I took a break before I die.

But hey, what's the difference. I'm dying anyway.
(PS. I realise that my entry probably doesn't make sense, but I don't really care)