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I'm staring out into the night,
And trying to hide the pain.
I'm going to the place where love
and feeling good don't ever cost a thing,
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.
I'm going home to the place where I belong,
where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm running from you know I think you got me all wrong,
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old,
So I'm going home.

-Chris Daughtry

11:29 PM
In the presence of more illustrious company.

The universe as we know it has ceased to exist, and we see the world in a whole different prespective. Thrust rudely into centrestage, suddenly it seems more ominous and a whole less friendly. The security of familiar faces and surroundings is an option that is no longer available to us, at least not on a daily basis. For the first time, many of us find ourselves trudging through life alone, struggling to stay on course while attempting to fend off the many distractions that lie in our path. Of course, it doesn't mean that we've cast aside the many friends that we've made throughout our education - if anything, many of us are determined to hold onto this vestige of the world we've known our entire lives. But reality dictates a whole different game with a strange new set of rules, and we're stuck in it for good. I used to think that I could never spend time outside on my own, and it always bug me if I've to wait for a person for too long - it makes me wholly uncomfortable. I still think so now, but I guess I've come to realise that it isn't always possible for you to be surrounded by your friends and by hook or by crook, we've got to learn to roll with it.

And you must remember - our lofty dreams of changing the world for the better. But have you come to realise, as I have, that the problems that taint our society is bigger than us, that the ugliness that has come to define the human race so deeply ingrained in our pysche that everyone else has resigned themselves to it.

What a bummer.

I'm tempted to run, as fast and as far away from this reality as humanly possible, but I refuse to allow myself to succumb to the diseases that has come to grip the world - apathy and self-denial. I won't deny that it scares me shitless everytime Tuesday or Saturday comes around and I've to head off to training. The presence of more skillful, experienced and illustrious company is thought enough to render me a whimpering wreck and my overactive imagination doesn't help either. Every mistake I make seems to be magnified and everything right - expected. Of course, that's not the case but it certainly seems that way to me. This sense of nervous anticipation and trepidation makes my stomach turn, but I'm not going to give up. Who knows, maybe my determination will be rewarded 1 day. (:

One day, we'll be old hands and we'll make this world our playground all over again.
So run along, we've got some ass to kick.

P.S. Damn I am so melodramatic!