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I'm staring out into the night,
And trying to hide the pain.
I'm going to the place where love
and feeling good don't ever cost a thing,
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.
I'm going home to the place where I belong,
where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm running from you know I think you got me all wrong,
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old,
So I'm going home.

-Chris Daughtry

11:08 AM
Lies.

I was lying in my bed, thinking about the events that have transpired in the past few months, and trying to stay to stay warm underneath my comforter. I thought about lies, lies big and small, lies in different shades of grey, and lies in all sense of the word. Images as clear as day appeared in my mind's eye, and I'm amazed by the truth in your face, even as you took the trust I had in you and played me for a fool. Like a wayward christian desperate to renew his faith in
the Lord, I drank it all in - the truths, the not-so-true and the blatant lies.
I wonder why it pained me so much to do the inevitable, and why it still hurts me so to be this way. I find myself slipping deeper and deeper into a state of nonchalance and anger, and a dark cloud seems to hang over everything. The very foundation of my faith and belief in the goodness of mankind seems to have wasted away, and I belittle myself every waking moment for not having recognised humans for what we are sooner and saving myself all the pain that comes along with being stupid and naive and wanting to believe in some sort of beauty and goodness that really, doesn't exist.

Gosh I sound like an angsty teenager, and perhaps I am. I wonder why I can't be like everyone else, happy and contended in the lives they lead. I don't even remember how to pretend to be happy anymore.
Oh wells. Despite all that I've said, I know I'll always remain the stupid and naive idiot that I was and will probably forever be so I should really just shut up.

Good night.