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I'm staring out into the night,
And trying to hide the pain.
I'm going to the place where love
and feeling good don't ever cost a thing,
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.
I'm going home to the place where I belong,
where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm running from you know I think you got me all wrong,
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old,
So I'm going home.

-Chris Daughtry

11:36 AM
On memories and the past.

Images of last night come in flashes, a drunken haze of tequila and vodka. It was both amazing and a tad disturbing to watch ourselves as we emptied the bottles. Copious amounts of liquor and a whole tub of b&j's disappeared, all while watching meet the fockers, which I have to say, was a pretty bland and boring show, even under the influenceof alcohol tsk.
We drank like our lives depended on it, seemingly to find a perverse sort of pleasure from watching the golden liquid vanished. Sitting together in the living room, the two of us were weirdly detached, lost in trying to purge the unhappiness and the unpleasant memories from within. We made a silent contest out of it, matching each other shot for shot, screwdriver for screwdriver, as if we were trying to prove our degree of unhappiness by the amount of alcohol we consumed. I knew what I was doing, but the allure of a knowing sin was too tempting to resist. It burnt my throat and brought up the nasty taste of bile, occasionally bringing tears to my eyes. I've always been a smart drinker, careful in walking the line between getting drunk and being high. But I lost all my inhibitions last night, downing shots after shots without any thoughts or concerns.
For a fleeting moment, I felt guilty in the knowledge that the only reason my friend was here was because I didn't want to be alone, and she was too worried about me to let me drink alone. But the thought was quickly lost as each of us grew comfortable with an awareness that we were here for the company, two lonely souls yearning for human attention.
Don't get me wrong, I am not always like this. In fact, nights like yesterday are a rarity, my headstrong character never allowing me to lose control of myself often. I hate it when I allow people to get underneath my skin. But the cumilation of all the incoherent thoughts nestled in my head was driving me crazy and I had to find a way to release all the tension.

I couldn't tell you what was wrong, so I chose to keep quiet. I hoped that...but I guess not.

A few hours ago, I finally found the courage to exorcise a demon from my past. I'm glad.