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I'm staring out into the night,
And trying to hide the pain.
I'm going to the place where love
and feeling good don't ever cost a thing,
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.
I'm going home to the place where I belong,
where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm running from you know I think you got me all wrong,
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old,
So I'm going home.

-Chris Daughtry

8:17 PM
There's something about the simple change of a blog add that does wonders for your soul.

To be honest, I've been contemplating this for a little while now, and there isn't any better time than this. That's not to say that the old blog add was bad or anything liddat, I guess I moved 'cos I felt that I could no longer write down what I felt without someone reading it whom I didn't feel comfortable with. Since the ultimate aim of a blog is to as an avenue for you to pen down your thoughts, it seems pretty aimless to keep blogging when you're unable to do that. Besides, it does get a little boring when you've only your mundance, utterly mindless and usually repeative days to blog about.

I guess sooner or later, people are going to get wind of this, but I'll just make use of this precious period to clear my thoughts and cleanse my soul. It's hard to pen it all down amidst all these conflicting emotions, but I'll try. Some people say I'm arrogant, and I guess there's some truth to it. But it hurts nonetheless when people think that I don't care, when what they say or do can mess me up pretty badly inside. When I'm with my close friends, I really do make an effort to keep myself in cheek, and I try my best with them. I'm a confused person, sometimes I think that they're pushing me away and sometimes I feel really loved to have them. I don't know if it's my overactive imagination or reality hidden behind a facade of goodwill, and honestly, I don't really want to know. So when I feel like I'm being pushed away, I guess I react how most people will react when they feel hurt: I hide behind an air of nochalence. Meaning: I come off sounding arrogant and obnoxious. It's a defense mechanism, born and breed of past experiences. History has taught us that the more you care, and the more you appear like you care, the harder the fall. It's funny 'cos I don't really know the purpose of writing all this down, but I guess I'm hoping that it'll make me feel better.

I've been thinking about it and I've conclude that I don't want to lose myself trying to live up to other people's expectations, and I don't want to stop being the person that I am in order to please people. I've been doing that for a large part of my life, and I guess I've realised that sometimes, no matter how hard you try, it really doesn't matter. You'll never be perfect and people will find fault with you anyhow. Not to say that I'm going to continue along like this and annoy everyone, but I guess I'll just try to be conscious about myself in the presence of others. I just wonder where the line is between changing for the better and losing yourself. I want to be a better person, but I want to be me.

Will someone out there tell me what I'm supposed to do?